plz talk dirty to me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
