Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
