Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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