Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
