Sry I called you an 8
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize