took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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