Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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