i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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