I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
