Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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