just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
