He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
