Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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