one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
