Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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