Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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