i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
