Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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