Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
