I haven't been this sober since birth.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
