idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize