The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
