so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
