So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it penis luge time yet?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize