i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you mean i was at the winter classic?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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