Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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