who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
