your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
