My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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