is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
