oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
