Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
