two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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