Quick, to the slutcave!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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