drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
