first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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