i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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