Dual....:-)
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
