I just made out with a guy for $7.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
