I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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