fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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