Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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