Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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