lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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