the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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