What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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