Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
