need another drink. this is the easiest way
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
