if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
