The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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