By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
