I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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