I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
