wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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