The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
