At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize