What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
