And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
