I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
