This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
