so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
