He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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