I think my vagina is haunted
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
