The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
pray to the hookup gods
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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